DECADES OLD MURDER CASE REMAINS COLD AS ICE COLD MILK!

As far back as the 1970's authorities have observed a shocking number of fatalities amongst the Nation's sugary breakfast foods. Ultimately, the unfortunate conclusion was reached by Police that we were in fact looking at a Cereal Killer! 

The 1st case was in 1970, with the Bizarre death of Quake! "We were in the middle of our infamous 'Race Around the World'", commented his former competitor, Quisp, "then he mysteriously disappeared somewhere in the Australian Outback!". Initially, it had been thought Quake had been eaten by Dingos, until it was later ruled by the MFP to be a Homicide.

Only a few years later, the Regicide case of King Vitamin was alleged to have been in someway connected.

"For years, we thought Baron Von Redberry & Sir Grapefellow simply took each other out in a dogfight", stated the Cookie Crisp Cop, "it was only later that fowl play was suspected! (With apologies to Toucan Sam!)".

"Blah, Blah! This whole experience has been very trying on Frankie & me!" stated Count Chocula in interview, "first it was Fruit Brute, then Yummy Mummy! Anxiety over this matter has even caused poor Boo Berry to go into seclusion!".

We have labeled the murderer 'The Battle Creek Killer'!", investigators say, "people with any information should please contact our Michigan Office. Be sure to include a self addressed, stamped envelope & 5 Box Tops.".

Even Hollywood tough-guy Icon Mr. T's has proven not invulnerable. Fortunately it was determined (in HIS case!) that it was just a matter of him not working!

By Thrashpondo Pons

Gamilon Staff Writer